I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Randomize
