i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
