it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
where are my pants?
in the oven.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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