Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
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You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
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I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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