Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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