I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
