made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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