you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Randomize
