Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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