alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
i wish my penis had a tongue
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize
