At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
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I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
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Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
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