The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
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Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
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But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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