Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
