Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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