i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
