he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
