Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Randomize
