I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
