Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
