my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
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Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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