and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
