Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
