yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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