first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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