I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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