the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
