yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
