what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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