Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
