$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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