first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
