i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
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I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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