so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
