Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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