Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
17 year olds will be the death of me.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
