Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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