he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
