he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
