I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
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