I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
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I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
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literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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