East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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