you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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