It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Randomize
