I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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