i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
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