So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
