Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
