I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
