I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
