It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize