I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
