and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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