Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
