Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
