did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
