I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I think I sprained my soul last night
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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