sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
