i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
pray to the hookup gods
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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