I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
