he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
