I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
