i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
