Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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