So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
