I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
