I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize