You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
