wrigley field is MILF paradise
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
