He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize