Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
