OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
